Why do I even bother...

There are times when I think, "why do I even bother?" The group of people that I normally hang out with, many of them happen to be friends of my brother, don't seem to give a damn about what I do with my life, and even if I tell them about what's going on, I always get the sense that they are half-listening and half wishing the conversation with me would end. Why do I feel this way?

For starters, I am four courses away from getting my master's degree in statistics, a very lucrative and well-paying field, and I am working for a statistical consulting group at a research university. All of that is really cool. I'm successful in nearly every aspect of my life (except romance, which is something I don't feel I can really get right), and yet nobody seems to care. It seems that they would rather go out to bars/do other things with my brother, rather than listen to what I have to say. I have stuff that I would like to say, but I can never feel like I get a word in edgewise. Sometimes I think it's because I'm shorter than a lot of my friends, many of them pushing 6'2". Other times, I think that it's because I'm boring to talk to because many of the things I talk about has to do with the studying and research that I'm doing. Grad school is the biggest thing in my life right now, and I'd like to talk to some of these people about it, but I don't feel like they ever listen, or even want to talk to me half of the time. I'm interesting, god dammit! I have my own hopes and dreams and fears and needs that make me who I am! I want to be heard!

On the other hand, I can see why others don't want to talk about school and other stuff of that nature. I have no disillusions about that. Other people talk about their job, or their annoying co-worker, or who they had sex with the night before. I'm sorry that the topics I contribute to are not that kind of thing, but I am trying to get a grip on reality, and I'm trying to do it in my own way. I really want to relate, and I am trying to contact them (calling, texting, Facebooking, etc.) to talk and get in touch, but I don't feel as though many of them are meeting me half-way on this. It really hurts my feelings that I don't feel like anybody really gives a damn about what I do or what I care about.

If by some chance that somebody/a group of the people I am talking about stumble upon this post, I would just like you all to know that I am not trying to insult or blame any of you for how I feel. Much of this may span from being an asshole or from being trapped in my own head for too long, but I really want to be heard. I would at least like the occasional text message, phone call, blog comment or Facebook post/message to see what's up with me. I do the same for you. And guess what? I listen to every word that you say because I am interested in what is going on in your lives. That is all.

Cody